Cerita 4 semester pengajian Masters

Alhamdulillah. Syukur kehadrat Allah. Dengan ini....... I dah habis belajar! Harap result semester akhir ni memberangsangkan. Sepanjang 2 tahun belajar di UiTM Shah Alam, I got to learn more than just Masters in Information Technology. Mana mungkin dapat diulang atau dibeli pengalaman sebegini. Ada yang pahit..banyak yang manis :-)

Dikelilingi classmates yang jauh lebih muda yang rata 5-8 tahun lebih muda. Ada few sahaja yang kategori 30an dan lebih. Masa mula mendaftar dulu, rasa tercabar jugak. At the same time rasa bangga bila tengok ramai anak muda bangsa kita sanggup sambung belajar separuh masa untuk memajukan diri.

Semester 1
I don't have friends or stay in a group masa awal semester. Dari kecik..sampai la sekarang ni, I don't really good in making first contact and getting new friends. Cuak juga awal2 dulu. Especially part group work. Seriau dapat group mate yang half past six sebab I ni konon perfectionist. Alhamdulillah it went alright. For the first time dalam sejarah hidup I scored 4.0 Rasa berbaloi belajar teruk-teruk till late nights, berhempas pulas buat assignments and all. Bersyukur sangat dapat support from husband, kids and the family. Berkat doa semua jugak agaknya. I feel good walau busy gila tapi sempat juggle all plus working life.

Semester 2
Abah dah mula sakit masa ni. I had the very bad news by then - brain tumor critical stage. Soon abah started to go for treatment. I was still working as pre-sales consultant, started to like the hectic life as Masters student. For 3 subjects I enrolled, the group work semua I was elected as the Project Manager. Yes, they trusted me. At least that was I thought. Day time busy with field work as pre-sales consultant (which I really love - even till now), night time sometimes coaching the kids with homework while doing my own homework and attending online meetings. When abah started his treatment, I had to commute to HUKM paid him a visit too. Memang terkejar sana sini.

I thought I have given my best, in fact that was the semester when I went all out for my studies despite sedih dengan keadaan abah - kata Project Manager. I had the biggest shock of my life and feel betrayed when I got the result. Luluh. Drama la sangat masa tu. The person (also agreed by other group mate) yang back riding, didn't turn up for meeting with various domestic reasons got an A. I was just merely B+. The coordinator wasn't helpful at all. Siap threaten I would be degraded kalau report and asked for remarks. The climax was when I went to meet the lecturer - she said nothing's wrong with my carry marks. She said something interpreted like this "Kalau you dapat semua yang you nak, maybe you akan less bersyukur, ingat pada allah". "Kenapa you tamak, sanggup jadi PM for all subjects?" dan macam2 lagi sentimen yang dikaitkan dengan agama/spiritual. That she gave me marks pun because she already doa upon Allah, and that's what she supposed to give to me. bla bla bla. Ya Allah, dugaan kan. I tak pergi mengadu awal2 someone is back riding in the group. And yet I was being punished. Hati ini masih terkesan walaupun I want to let go the feeling and forgive. Lesson learned, when working in a group, if repeatedly someone is not working together - tell upfront including your lecturer. Don't cover up. Don't give face lah konon. Sebab you don't know that it will bite you!! On happy note, I knew who I can call friend and who is totally not a friend.

Semester 3
Still felt the stinging from bad result and being betrayed from last semester. Now, I got to accept the fact I could no longer grad pakai special robe, sebab dah tak dean's list lagi last semester. It really crashes one of my dreams. Somehow I kena bangun dari rasa kelam itu! Abah makin parah. Had to take him home and surround him with happiness. Not much hope that we have as told by the doctor. From time to time, kami balik kampung tengok abah. Sedih he makin susut, kurus dan tak kenal orang. I knew he would be proud if I continue what I love and good at. Habiskan study ni, focus!

I didn't stress myself poyo nak jadi project manager anymore though request to masih ada. I learned to let go certain things, for not wanting mendapat sakit hati kemudian hari. I minimized group work if possible and involve with friends whom I know them personally and know for sure we get along to do work together. Tapi ada jugak dapat group mate yang pelik. Though it's not really hard thing sebab I dah belajar untuk lebih terbuka.

Allah menguji hamba nya yang di sayang. Ye kan? Kali ni dapat group mate yang rasa dia above everyone else. Sebab dia pegawai kelas tinggi kerajaan. Back at work, dia Puan Besar yang disegani dan berkuasa. She corrected a lot of things of other people. So bossy she was. Even unnecessary things she stood to correct and wanted us to do her way. Yang mana boleh ikut, I ikut. But I made it to the point and before end of the final class inform the lecturer about the domestic issues in our group. Not to finger pointing, but conveyed the right message that we too contributed to the group.

Anyway, I got 4.0 for the second time. Syukur alhamdulillah. Getting good grades really made me feel, at least for awhile.

Work life, really stressing. With more field work and outstations. Boss no tolerating, and the people around not supporting. I was at the junction.

Semester 4
"kau pergi jua". Abah left us coming to half of the semester. Sangat sedih. Belajar pulak, the two subjects plus thesis that I took, sangat mengujakan. Subject Entrepreneurship jadi favourite immediately. Assignment yang mengajar untuk memahami business models dan business model canvas, seminar dan sebagainya sangat berguna (walaupun tak tahu bila nak apply). Thesis, I fell in love writing it and immerse into the topic of IT ethics. Walaupun lots of reading and interviews and questionnaires and meetings with supervisor need to be fulfilled... Tapi hasilnya , great!

I quit my job that I love right after Aidilfitri. My then helper ran away. The thing that I was most afraid of. Tapi itu juga yang ditentukan Allah. Sekali lagi I was tested. Got a replacement who stayed for a month. Then, the agent too ran away. We lost thousands. Malas nak cerita bab amik helper ni. Naik phobia.

I coped without helper. Manage kids, house and study (and husband too - ahaks). At times rasa really tired and almost gave up, tapi boleh ke a wife or mommy resign? Lol. Got to move on. Jalan terus kan?

Thesis pun ada challenges when the first round of questionnaire was a scrap. Not measurable according to statistician. The statistician (referred by husband's friend) then backed out! Alhamdulillah another friend ada contact to professional stats. So upah lah dia for RM300 to do the magic stuffs. Read and read and read of berpuluh journals sampai rasa mual dan tepu. Baru ada bayangan nak speed up. Masa tu got to draft the questionnaire for 2nd time and launched it. Praise to Allah I was blessed with helpful friends around and ya my cousin infact my husband too, to help in getting respondents.

Groupwork? Mesti ada cerita. This time around with Gen Y. Yes, they do work, think, take responsibility, talk, personality and every other things are slightly differs from us Gen X. Kalau tak percaya sila lah google. Not to say bad thing about them. But the quality is different. They might be intelligent than us in certain ways but..... to me it has to be in overall pandai. You need to have adab and respect other people too. And that includes other people time and etc. Sebagai pesanan penaja, when you work with Gen Y you kena firm. Don't let them over powering you. They need to learn to respect and be more responsible. Kita yang ada anak and husband pun boleh bagi commitment, why can't them yang single? It's not an excuse if they used to work last minute or they are busy with "things".

Now, it's all done. I'm so happy tak terkata. Thanks to everyone. Here goes my acknowledgement :-)

Praise only to Allah for giving me strength, perseverance and good health to complete this research within the stipulated time frame. Though this thesis is an individual work, I could never have reached the heights or explored the depths without the help, support, guidance and efforts from a lot of people around me.

Thanks are best when concrete therefore I would like to specifically describe the thanks for. Firstly, I would like to thank none other than my supervisor Encik Azhar Abd Aziz who helped me since day one when I felt and looked like one who was groping in the dark. So dark it was that he had to patiently guide me on all sorts of questions, lent me five thick books and hooked me with the statistics expert. Secondly the key people whom I cannot specify their individual names here, thank you for allowing me to reach to the ‘resources’ in your organizations (twice). I could not thank them enough. A very special thank you to my friend Zarina for the support she lent me through the years and the thought that ‘demo mesti boleh’.

My heartfelt thank you to my other half, Izznan AJ and the two prince (Adam and Idrees) who through thick and thin patiently waited that one day I could finish this study and we can together take a break somewhere having real good time. Not forgotten thank you to my mother for all the prayers and my late father whom will be so proud that his only daughter about to graduate.
Finally, to everyone else whom directly or indirectly has helped me in this research project, sincerely thanks.